On Wed. morning I dropped my daughters off at the airport for their trip. They went on a tour of Italy with a group of students and teachers from my younger daughter's high school.

My husband is out on the road for about 3 weeks at a time, so this means I am home alone. They all were a little worried about me, my mom has been calling like crazy to check on me. But I have been feeling really well.

On the 1st day I went out to get my mail and tripped in the driveway, I tried to catch myself but I could not avoid falling on the uneven cement. This has long been a fear of mine, there was a time when I gaged my health by whether I could make it down the long driveway and across the road to my mailbox and back. I used to wait until someone else was home to attempt it, in case I couldn't make it and needed help. I live in a fairly rural area and most of the time there is no one around. I remember a time when I couldn't get up from the floor without help, so I was afraid that I would have to lie there in the hot sun for hours until someone could help.

Well that fear has now been officially conquered, yes I fell, I scrapped my palm and my knee but I got up, washed and dressed the wounds and I survived. As a matter of fact its time to go and get the mail and newspaper right now and I am not afraid at all. It great to feel normal.

I dreamt about you last night. We were having a barbeque in our backyard, only in the dream our yard was huge. All of your family was there, including the children of your nieces and nephews that have now become teenagers. People were swimming and eating and having a great time. It was a wonderful dream.

Its been just about three years now and I still really miss you. The other day I put on some of your old music, and the girls enjoyed listening to it too, they are so excited about their trip to Italy in only a few more days. I wish you were here to talk to them about it.

I am feeling happy and healthy and so are your grandchildren, Les is on the road so its just us girls today, it feels weird to celebrate Fathers Day without any men around, but we will be having ice cream later in your honor.

I know you don't like mushy stuff, but this is the one day a year that I get to tell you what a wonderful father you have been. You have taught me the importance of family, and of education, and how to be reasonable and think logically.
And you were always there for me, I will love you always.

Happy Father's Day,
Love,
Angel

Today is the i year anniversary of my new kidney. Its been a rough year, for the first few months I regretted ever having the operation but now I wonder how I ever got through the ordeal of 4 years of dialysis.

Over the past through months I had to face the fact that I won't ever be able to go back to work. I am now as healthy as I ever will be and though I am very grateful for that, it was hard to come to terms with this is as good as it will get.

While on dialysis I thought that the transplant would fix everything and I could go back to normal. But a transplant is actually a treatment, not a cure, and I still have my underlying health problems.

Now that I am no longer just waiting in limbo, I am feeling emotionally refreshed and am getting on with my life, not my old life, but a new one.

Happy New Year to all my Blogstream friends!

I plan to begin blogging regularly again the week after next, when my husband goes back to work, and things have settled down around here. My older daughter moved down from NY in Sept so she has been keeping me busy, she has been working part-time and I've been busy helping her look for a job and mailing out resumes for her, and now she'll be starting her full-time job next week. Its so wonderful to have her here.

My husband has been out of work for months, he was a construction manager/safety inspector but the construction industry is really slow and still getting worse. He was getting more and more depressed and difficult to be around. But he finally decided to go to school and get his CDL. So everything seems to be working out, I have been feeling very well, and since my older daughter is here in case of emergency, he is not as worried about being out on the road.

Two weeks after my last post I was back in the hospital for another 10 days, for a urinary tract infection. I was there on my wedding anniversary and on the 4th of July. But now I have been out of the hospital and infection free for 6 weeks.

However I have blood in my urine so after a few visits to the urologist and a number of tests and procedures, I was told that I have kidney stones in my native kidneys, and they can't pass because those kidneys don't work, so the only way to remove them would be by surgery. For now they are going to monitor the situation, if they don't get any bigger or cause infection we can just leave them alone.

I have been seriously depressed, and have spent hours lying on the couch crying. I missed the whole summer, no beach, no pool, no weekend getaways. I thought I would feel much better after the transplant, but I still tire easily and have very little energy.

I haven't been blogging mainly because my husband is usually home all day and he resents it. He doesn't say anything but I know it bothers him because his ex-wife ran off with someone she met over the Internet. But today he will be out for most of the afternoon.

I can't wait until he goes back to work, he likes to keep the house dark and cold, I like it warm and bright. I am not really well enough to do anything fun, so when he is here I just sit around under a blanket and feel sorry for myself.

On the bright side, my sister and her kids came down to visit for a week, I loved having them here, when they left my daughter went with them and spent 2 weeks in PA, where she had a great time.

My son will be down to visit at the end of the month, then he is going back to college, so I am really happy about that.