I was taken to the county jail and put in a holding cell, I was in a panic I hated the idea of being alone, locked in a cell. The room had a toilet, a sink, a small glass window, and a bench to sit on. After a while a few more woman were brought in, which made me fell better. I started getting cold so I began tapping on the window to ask for a blanket. One of the women told me I was going to get in trouble, but I didn’t listen, and the guard came and gave me a blanket. I guess it depends on how nicely you ask.

Sometime in the middle of the night they brought me into another cell and told me to strip. Then they sprayed me with a hose, first it sprayed a white soapy liquid, then it sprayed water, and it was cold. Then they gave me an orange jumpsuit and asked me what color my panties were. It seems that you can only keep your panties if they are white, which mine weren’t.

Then I was led to another area of the jail, where I was given a thin mattress and led into a cell with bars. It had a toilet, a sink, and two bunks which were already occupied. And there was a woman lying on a thin mattress on the floor. It was very small and the only spot for me was right next to the toilet. In the morning I heard yelling and cursing, it was a scary place. When they opened the door one of the woman said, “get out, I have to take a shit,” so I went into the open area where they had tables and chairs.

One of the guards came in and asked me to come with him into the hallway. He asked me if I was alright. This little act of kindness made me burst into tears, but I told him I was fine and asked if I knew him. It turns out that he was my neighbor from across the street. He asked me not to let anyone know that I knew where he lived but if I had any problems to let him know, so I felt somewhat relieved.

The tough woman from my cell was in there because she had gone into a bar and sold her 5 year old niece for cab fare, I had remembered reading about it in the paper. One of the other women was six months pregnant, she had shot her boyfriend. The last had been arrested because she had an outstanding warrant in another county for driving away without paying for gas. She told me that we were currently in maximum security but would both be transferred to minimum security and that it was much better there.

And she was right, in minimum security there was an area for toilets in stalls although there were no doors, same thing with the shower stalls. It was one large room, and everyone had their own bed and there were windows and a dining area with tables and chairs.

Now that I was no longer afraid for my safety, I started to worry that I would not be able to get my daughter back. I was very upset and could not eat. I gave my food to an older woman who was extremely thin. I was told that she had been homeless and had gotten arrested on purpose because she was starving. A lot of the women were giving her bits of their meals. I learned that these tiny salt and pepper packets were only given out at breakfast and you only got one of each. So the woman would use a little bit and then hide it to save for lunch and dinner. My salt packet dropped on the floor and two woman dove to pick it up. We were not allowed to save any food, and they did bed checks to make sure you didn’t have any. One night they found that one woman had an old hot dog, I didn’t even want to know why.

I made friends with a young girl who was serving sixty days for DUI, she was really sweet. Liz, the woman that had come over from maximum with me was a little crazy, but I liked her too.

One thing that struck me was the ways that the woman found to adjust to their situation, on visiting day they used pencils for eyeliner, they did each other’s hair, and one woman was giving a lesson on how to make a sanitary napkin into a tampon, which is real important especially if you don’t have any underwear to hold a pad in place.

There was one very special woman I met, as soon as I got there she had asked me my name and if I had any children. At lights at that night, I heard someone singing and I knew it was her. She was a black woman and had a beautiful strong voice, she sang everyone’s name and asked God to bless each woman and her children, it was very moving.

I was arrested on a Friday and didn’t get to see a judge until Tuesday. I was told by the other inmates to request an ROR (release on my own recognizance). The guards lined us up and took up to a large room where we saw a judge using videoconferencing, and the judge granted my ROR.

As they were giving me back my belongings while I was being released I saw Liz who was being extradited to another county. She was handcuffed and her feet were shackled, she heard them counting out my money to return to me, I had $13.00 She asked if she could borrow a couple of bucks, so I gave her the 3 dollars, then thought a moment and gave her the 10 also. She thanked me and started to cry.

J.’s parents came and picked me up and made him give me back our daughter and my car.

A Continuation of J. and the Rich Lady

A few weeks had gone by since J left. Then one day he called me at work saying that he wanted to come over and pick up the rest of his stuff. So he came over that night after our daughter had gone to bed. That weekend was my birthday so I asked him if while he was boxing up his things I could go out for a couple of hours. He told me to go but to make sure and be back by midnight or he was leaving and would take my daughter with him.

So I went out and was having a great time, then realized it was already 11:30. So I asked my friends if they wanted to pick up some beer and come back to my place, and that’s what we did.

J. was sitting on the front porch with an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels and was drunk, but he got in his truck and drove away. There were 3 guys and I and another woman and we decided to go in the hot tub. So I put on a swimsuit and lent one to my girlfriend and the guys took stripped down to their underwear.

We were talking and laughing and drinking beer in the hot tub when there was a loud knocking on the door. It was the police; J. had gone down to the police station and reported that I was having an orgy with our daughter in the house. I couldn’t believe it. My daughter was down the hall asleep in her room, I had checked on her when I got changed and had closed her door so she wouldn’t be disturbed. But the cops suggested that everyone go home and we didn’t want any trouble so they left.

Later I was awakened by the telephone, it was J. now very drunk, ranting and raving and making threats. He told me he would kill me and any guy that I allowed into the house, he said it was still his house and he threatened to come over and trash it. I hung up but he continued to call and harass me all night long and all the next day.

I was afraid of what he might do so on Monday morning I went down to the courthouse and got an injunction to keep him away from me and from the house. I went across the street and told the neighbor that if he saw J. near my house he should call the police.

J. continued to call and harass me at work, he said that he wasn’t breaking the law because he hadn’t been served the injunction yet. Then on Friday he called and asked,” how are you getting home today?” I didn’t know what he meant, but I went out to the parking lot and my car was gone. When he left he took his truck, but my car was in both our names so legally he had the right to take it, even though his driver’s license had been suspended due to his DUI.

I had to have a co-worker take me to pick up my daughter at day care and take me home. I lived in a rural area and there was no way to go anywhere without a car. At home, I was trying to figure out who to call to borrow money from and to take me into town so I could buy my own car. My daughter came in upset because a cat had killed the kittens that had been born in our shed. Then my friend called and said that J. had called her and said that he would give me back my car if I would drop the injunction and let him see our daughter, he told her to have me call him. So I called him, he answered and then said,” just a minute,” and told me to call him right back. So I called back. A voice asked who it was and I answered with my name. Then the voice said that he was a police officer and I was in violation of the injunction. A little while later a police officer showed up and arrested me. I was handcuffed in front of my 6 year old and they sat me in the back of the police car while the cop waited on my porch with my daughter. Then J. showed up, driving my car and took my daughter.

I recently started going to church again as part of my quest to become a more spiritual person. I was raised Catholic, but have many problems with the Catholic Church. My major conflict is their treatment of women. I am uncomfortable with God the father and his only son, I would feel much better if it were God our mother, or God the father and his only daughter. I think we need balance. Then I studied Goddess religion which has a balance, but I had a hard time with some of their beliefs such as praying to many mythological forms of the God and Goddess.

Now I think I have found a church that I can live with. Its called Unity. They call it practical Christianity, but in some ways its not really Christian. They don't believe Jesus was the only son of God, he was only a great teacher, and that God is part of all of us. The minister says Mother/Father God when referring to God, and I like that. Unity pulls from many different religious traditions. I enjoy the guided meditations and the Native American Drumming. I feel really good about going to church now. They publish a magazine called The Daily Word, and here is todays spiritual message,
Faith - I am cocreating my life through an ever-growing faith in God.

Please be tolerant of others' beliefs

It makes no difference as to the name of the God, since love is the real God of all the world. Apache proverb

Like the bee, gathering honey from different flowers. the wise accept the essence of different scriptures and see only the good in all religions. Hindusium - Bhagavata Purana 11.3

The problem with clinging to a single doctrine is that it plunders the Way. Confucianism - Mencius VII.A.26F

Allah is our Lord and Your Lord. We have our own works
and you have yours;
let there be no argument between us.
Allah will bring us all together,
for unto our Lord is the journeying.
Islam - Qur'an 42.15

One who is pleasing unto other people is pleasing unto God.
Judaism - Abot 3.3

I really appreciate all of you who have been visiting my blog, I would like you all to know that I am not telling these stories for sympathy. I just thought that I would like to put these stories down all in one place to see if I can make sense out of all that I have been through.

A  Prayer

Dear God, thank you for giving me the strength and courage to face all the challenges life has thrown my way.
Dear Goddess, thank you for the tomatoes that I picked off my plants today, for the grass and trees in my yard, and for sending the rain to nourish them.
Dear God, please help me to love my enemies and put aside any resentment that I feel towards them.
Dear Goddess, please bless the people I love, keep them safe and watch over them, and please help any of my new blogstream friends who are currently experiencing hard times.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And put a new and right spirit within in me      (Judaism -  Psalm 51.6,10)

Know that in the body there is a bit of flesh;
When it is sound the whole body is sound,
And when it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt.
    Know, it is the heart                                     (Islam – Hadith) of Bukkari)      

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God  (Matthew 5.8)

Can you cleanse your inner vision
until you see nothing but the light?                (Tao Te Ching 1.0)

                                                                                                                           

 

 

 

 

A continuation of yesterday's post.

The rich lady is an epileptic with dyslexia so she cannot drive. As a teenager she was institutionalized and her parents had her sterilized so she has no children Her last boyfriend helped her get a lawyer and get control of her inheritance, her family did not want her to have the money for fear that she would just lose it. She has the IQ of Forrest Gump.

You probably think I am making this stuff up, but I swear it’s all true.

J has since gotten two more DUI’s and has lost his license for 10 years, and has done some jail time. So they have a full time driver to take them places and run errands for them. They also have a housekeeper, dog groomer and a chef that makes visit to their castle. The castle is dark and damp and always a mess, and it smells like dogs.

J doesn’t work, she supports him, but she refuses to pay my child support, it’s not a problem now that I have a husband, but as I single mother I struggled. I had to take him to court, where he showed up with a fancy lawyer that she paid for. The lawyer fees were probably more than amount of money he owed me, a measly $250 a month.

When he got his DUI’s he had to stay current with his payments as part of his probation, so he does odd jobs working on people’s computers, or he sells the gifts that she gives him.

Speaking of gifts, she just bought him a motorcycle. Why? Who knows?

They do buy things for my daughter though, school supplies, and clothes, a scooter, keyboards, a laptop and a cell phone. And they want to throw her a big sweet 16 party.